


Why hold on to old memories when we can make new ones...

by Wayward_JasonLee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crossover, Everyone Is Gay, Feels, Fluff, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Bad at Feelings, Gabriel Has Issues, Hurt Sam, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e17 The Thing, Sam winchester is bad at feelings too, The Librarians - Freeform, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, so are dean and cas tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_JasonLee/pseuds/Wayward_JasonLee
Summary: When Sam takes care of Gabriel, he realises that he is actually making Progress, only that he is not. Sam gets frustrated and tries not to let Gabriels state get through to him- only that the past is too present, for sam as well as for Gabriel





	1. Return

**Author's Note:**

> hello People, it is I, Jason.   
> THE FEELS, my heart was ripped out of my chest and shattered into pieces after the most recent Episode whichafter this Fanfic was written.   
> I really hope you like this short fic that was supposed to be a oneshot but well 
> 
> Love,   
> Jason xx

he looked truly and undeniably horrible, his face was still bloody, and for what ever reasons not healing, the threads that had sealed his lips shut until just minutes ago were still in his thin lips, his clothes were torn apart and covered in dirt, but those were minor things to be honest. The worst part, by far, of the condition of the archangel were his eyes, they were widened in shock, worry, horror and fear, it was like he used his eyes to speak, and all they were expressing was pure and undeniably terrefying fear that sent chills down my spine.   
Eight years. It had been more than eight years. Eight years, or 96 months, or 384 weeks, or 2688 days, or 64512 hours.... At least, but who is counting....   
Dean and Ketch had just left, maybe a minute ago, I was still staring at the temporary rift when I snapped back into reality, I couldn't just stand around and wait for them to come back, I needed something to discract myself from the fact that Dean, Jack and mum might all be dying or fighting or whatever in this moment.  
I turned around, slowly, trying to not scare Gabriel even more, the angel hadn't moved, not one mycro meter, still staring at me, with the same fear in his eyes, either he didn't recognize me or he suspected me to hurt him because that is all people had done to him in the past years, hurt him, torture him, take his will to live. With great care I moved towards him, not to fast "Gabriel" I whispered "Do you remember me? Do you know who I am?" he didn't even blink, no reaction, no sign that he even heard me "I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'll just go to get some bandages and stuff so I can stich you up" he backed away from me in a rapid movement and pressed his lean body against the chair, in fear- of me. "I promise I will not hurt you Gabriel, I will be back as quickly as I can"

Not five minutes later I returned to the room where gabriel hadn't moved, again, carrying alcohol, needles, threads, towles, bandaids, bandages, water and clothes in both of my arms. I put everything on the big mahagoni table and sat down on the chair opposite to gabriel, there was a space, smaller than 60 cm between us and our knees were almost touching "Gabriel, I don't want to hurt you, I promise" I reached out for one of his hands, carefully taking his small one in mine "I will be as careful as I can be" his eyes were still clouded with fear but he didn't shrink back, I just assumed that it was a good sign.   
While I was drenching one of the soft towles in water I didn't really take my eyes off of him, neither did he though "I don't know if you remember me, or well my brother and me, Sam and Dean winchester, I'm sam, we-" I stopped for a second "Uhm we met a few times, had a few encounters here and there" carefully I started to wash of the blood off his face and though he at first cringed back from my hand he realised that the water did not actually hurt him. I smiled "See, I said I would never hurt you" and the fear, started to fade, it did not just disappear, for that it was too deep in his psyche and bones, but it started to fade

"So when we first met, that was like 2006 I think, you were having fun killing off hypochrits or generally bad people, it was kinda fun actually, then one year later you got me stuck in a loop of tusedays- trying to teach me a lesson, then again two years later you got dean and me stuck in a TV land, looking back it actually was hilarious but well... Ok I will use alcohol to clean your wounds now, it might hurt a bit" he didn't make a sound when I started to clean his wounds and I was rather pleased when I relaised that I wouldn't have to stich him up. "Gabriel, I will now remove the threads from your lips is that ok" he moved his head, weakly in a vertical direction, his first actual reaction of consent- it wasn't much but at least something   
His face looked much more reconizable now that I had worjed my way through it when I handed Gabriel a glass of water "here, it will make you feel better, I promise" his bruised hands were shaking when he carefully took the glass of water and drank a bit "Ok Buddy, no offense, but you need to take a shower, I know that you are stronger than you look right now, you can use mine, I will show you where it is" I smiled, reassuringly and because I meant it, he sttod up from the chair, carefully- but not scared.   
I grabbed the clothes and towles I had brought and offered him my hand to hold on to, and he took it, looked at me- expecting me to do something, as if he was saying 'now what big guy?'. A smirk sneaked up on my lips   
"Sam" he whsipered when I was about to leave him to shower, his voice was cracked and almost undetactable "Yeah?" and he attempted to smile "thank you"

He looked human again when he walked into my room which was just next to my bathroom "Your clothes are too big" whispered Gabriel with a still broken voice but the fear in his eyes faded away more and more "Sorry for that" I replied smiling, he was going to be fine.  
"I told you the tea would help" he nodded and said with a voice that sounded much better "Yeah, Sasquash, when- when you told me about how we knew each other, why did you leave the day out when I concoured lucifer?" I shrugged "I didn't think you would want to hear that, you were scared, I didn't want to put that on your mind as well, I also didn't know if you actually remembered me, so I figured it was not the right thing to say" he nodded "Can I sleep, I am really tired" I nodded "Yeah, yeah sure, just sleep in my room I don't mind"   
I was alone again, well kinda, I wasn't really alone here, I simply had no company anymore which was why I picked up a book and just read, trying to bann the thoughts that Dean, Jack and mum might be in trouble, but I didn't even manage to read a chapter when the interdemensional gate started to make suspicious sounds, it could either be good, or bad, hoping for a positive result being prepared for a bad one I pulled out an angel blade, ready to fight- when I saw Jack, and dean, and mom- ugh and katch.  
I wasn't ashamed when I cried after seeing mum again, and Jack- he was family after all, and it was ok "Did this really - really just work out as planned?" asked dean and smiled, happily, he didn't want to admit it and he would never admit it, but having both mum and jack back made him feel better, complete. 

When there was a scream 

The heartbreaking noise came from my room and I ran there as fast as i could, Gabriel was sitting upright in my bed, fear shaking his a bit too lean body, and terror clouding his eyes, walking towards him, I already knew that it was futile, the terror in his eyes was the same I had seen when he wouldn't let me touch him, he moved back and rolled himself uo to a small ball of shaking flesh at the very top corner of my bed. The picture broke my heart- I had hoped that the progress we had made would be permanent, apparently I was wrong, it would be much more work, it would be a timeconsuming progress of freeing him from his fear and bringing him back to his power, gaining his complete trust...  
Jack, Dean, and mum showed up in the door frame and gabriel started to shake even more, my voice was close to breaking when I said "It's ok" I looked at my family and symbolised them to leave, they stepped away from the door and looked at me as I closed it.

With a bitter voice I said "Jack, that is your uncle, mum you just met the archangel gabriel"


	2. Frustration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all, it is I, Jason.  
> Hope you like the second chapter, third chapter will be up as soon as possible  
> Love,  
> Jason xx

Months passed, monsters were hunted and killed, asmodos had been hunted down and executed, and Katch- well he still was a dick but he was staying, ha after all saved us and needed some place to stay. "Anything Cas?" I asked the blackhaired angel who shook his head "I don't understand, there is nothing, he should be fine" I layed my head in my hands, a gesture of hoplessness, a gesture of desperation and of sadness. My voice was cracking when I replied "Ok, thanks anyway" he noded and walked away again- I was so exhausted.

"I found a new case" I announced as soon as dean walked in the huge room "Huh?" he rose an eyebrow looking at me in pure confusion "So get this, in Penselvania, in the last seven days people just started to disappear it is eleven by now, and after doing some research it turns out that this happens every 13 years, it is always 26 people, always 13 male and 13 female- I would say we check it out" dean still stared at me as if I had suddeny grown antillers "Wait so let me get this straight, after months of not working any cases with Mum jack and me you suddenly can't wait to get ut of the house to work a case" I shrugged "S- so what?" dean shook his head in disbelief "Cas ad I will check it out, mum and katch both have their own cases at the moment and Jack hasn't left his room since I showed him how netflix works, and somebody has to look after Gabriel" and that was the moment I snapped, and I prefered it to snap than to break "YEAH, BUT OBVIOUSLY I AM DOING SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE HE IS MAKING NO PROGRESS WHAT SO EVER, HE SOMETIMES DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ME" Dean seemed shocked by my outburst "I get the you are frustrated and all but why do you even care so much, like why there is no point, he is GABRIEL it's not like we were besties or anything" I felt like someone punched me right in the throat "Yes, you are right" I pushed my chair back and walked away

"Gabriel?" I asked when I opened the door to what originally was my room and now kinda taken over by gabriel, he looked at me when I opened the door and entered half way. His eyes were filled with fear and he was pressed against the stone wall as he was sitting in the corner. He rememberes what had happened so vivid and realsiticly as if it was happening. Cas had said that some time back "My name is Sam Winchester, I am here to save you" he layed his head to the side just slightly and let his eyes wander over my body as if he was trying to recall weter he knew me or not, and when I then walked over to him and offered him my hand to help him stand up- he took it. It was only a small gestrue, and yet it was the biggest gesture of turst he had shown in months. 

I brought him to the kitchen and gestrued him to sit down "Who are you?" he asked, shaking but other than that ok "My name is Sam, I know your brother Castiel" he grinned shyly "What- what year is it" I swallowed hard "It is 2018" sadness and shock were expressed in his bodylanguage 

"Oh- uhm that is... I don't even know" I lowered my gaze, avoiding to look at him, it hurt too much, to see him in a normal-ish state, knowing that bringing up the past would probably destroy every second of progress he had made. "How do you feel?" I questioned and he shrugged "Weird, I should be healing, hell- I am an archangel but this son of a bitch took most of my grace so I can't just heal myself this is so fucking humiliating" the biterness in his voice nearly made me break, I was so close to just fucking break but I had to keep it together, so I could further deny it, but most importantly for him. "If it makes you feel any better- he is dead, Asmodeus has been taken care of" he nodded "At least that is something yeah"  
Jack entered the kitchen and Gabriel stared at him seconds passed and it seemed as if Gabriel was trying to add up what was happening in his head but it wasn't working out- Jack hadn't noticed his uncle staring at him in confusion and truned to me  
"Sam, I don't understand this, there is this show on Netflix and it is really good but I am mostly confused how orange correlates with black in a way that is new" I was really trying not to laugh and cringe at the same time "Jack, have you been watching Orange is the new black?" he nodded "It is a fairly interesting show yes, and I have also been watching a show that is called uhm shadowhunters- the demonstartion of what werwolves, vampires, nephilems and generally supernatural creatures are is rather rediculus but what is more confusing is the fact that they create a lot of sexual tension bewteen four characters and both couples do not end up together- kinda like Dean and Cas, why would they do that" I couldn't hold it anymore and just broke down laughing "You should probably step away from the netflix for some time" Gabriel gave me a confused look and then continued to stare at jack  
"Who are you?" he asked after I was sitting up straight again and regained my ability to breathe "I am Jack" gabriel who was seemingly annoyed with his longer hair finally decided to stick it behind his ear and the further questioned "But what are you, I can sense your soul, but I can also feel your grace" Jack who was still standing in the kitchen entrance awkwardly replied "I am a nephilem" Gabriel nodded slowly "Ohkay..." when a thought came to my mind  
"Jack, can I speak to you for a minute please?" he seemed confused by my request but did not complain as I led him out of the kitchen to speak to him in the hallway "I know I am asking a lot of you but this is the first time in months that he actually communicated with us and trusts us, I always aid it would be futile to try to heal him because the effect wouldn't last but this time it might- Can you heal him? give him his grace back? and maybe even block the memories from the time he has been tortured down there?" Jack wrinkled his eyebrows "Uhm, I can heal him which should most certaily make him regain his strength and at least some of his grace, but blocking his memories, I don't know if that is so smart, what if the wall breaks it would most likely destroy him, but I could try to make them less present, they would of course still be there I can't change that but it might help" my eyes started burning  
"Thank you Jack- I, give me a minute- sorry"


	3. Keys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello humans, it is I, Jason.  
> I really hope that you liked this fic and please let me know what you think of it...   
> Just random Information, Ezekiel is Ezekiel Jones from 'The librarians' (An awesome Show/ drug trip)   
> Yeah, enjoy your day or night 
> 
> Love,  
> Jason xx

Tears started to run down my face, wether they were because I was just exhausted, tired, sad or happy I couldn't even tell, all I knew was that I might get gabe back, for good, he might not remember what had happened all those years ago but why hold on to old memories when you can make new ones, saying that- I knew the chance that what had happened would happen again were little, I was a completly different person back then, I was younger and he was still quirky and... More and more tears dripped down my face and landed on my grey shirt.   
It wasn't even ironic or aything when I was laying in my new temporary room, sobbing and pressing my face in the pillow. My left hand was placed just over my heart holding the pendant tight in my fist.

Time passed, it might have been an hour, or two, it might have just been minutes when I heard a soft knock at my door "Yes" I whispered, my voice was raspy and cracked as the door was opened and I looked up, to see gabriel. He looked like himself again, his eyes shining in mischief but also worry, smirking, his pale skin flawless with not one scar and a generally positive aura. "Gabriel" I choked as I sat up, not letting go of the pendant "Sammy" he smiled warmly "I am so sorry" I knew he was trying not to cry as he sat down next to me "I am so sorry that I did this to you, that you had to see me like this- that I left you alone" I hickuped and tried to say with a clear voice "Y-you re-remember m-me" he nodded "of course sammy"  
My tears slowly started to dry and I had finally let go of the pendant "So , for how long have I been here, you know- insane?" I swallowed hard "Three months, nine days, 19 hours and like fourty seven minutes or sth" the glow of mischief was replaced by shock and pain "I am so sorry, sammy I am just so sorry that-" but I shushed him "Don't apologise, at least you are back now" he lowered his gaze to just now see the necklace I was wearing   
"You kept it" he whispered, his voice breaking and tears running down his face "Of course I did" he took the key to his penthouse, that I had been wearing as a necklace since he had given it to me all those years ago, in his hands, carefully. 

The next few days were rather awkward, because dean still did not really like gabriel who now was back to his sarcasm and usual attitude, mocking dean and Cas (Specially dean though), but also because there was something between me and gabe, we both knew it was there but we didn't dare to bring it up... 

"GABRIEL" Deans voice was detectable probably everywhere in the bunker, and I found dean and Cas not a minute later- stuck under a mistletoe. "Sam get us the fuck out of here" I couldn't stop laughing "Come on dean it's a christmas tradition joined Gabriel "I WILL MURDER YOU" and I rolled my eyes "even jack has noticed the sexual tension between the two of you for crying out loud just admit it" 

While walking away I grabbed Gabriels arm dragging him with me, finally finding the courage to speak to him   
"So?" I started, raising my left eyebrow "what so?" he quizzed back which caused me to roll my eyes "You know what I am talking about, before you- well before I was to assume that you were dead we were dating" he tikted his head slightly to the side and looked at me "Oh were we, I only remember a lot of very good sex, and well a very cute guy- well who I did have A WHOLE LOT OF good sex with, and that cute guy looks daddy now" he jiggeled his eyebrows and I smirked "Shut up and kiss me you adorable idiot" 

A year later 

PoV Gabriel   
My phone started buzzing as I was trying to read, Dean walked by and took a quick look at my phone display "Cute- you still call your father daddy... WAIT since when does chuck have a phone?" I ignored him as I answered the call "Hey sammy whats up" Dean looked like he was about to vomit and it was truly hilarious "He WHAT oh holy fuck this will be absoloutely awesome"

Later we were all gathered for dinner, Dean and Cas were, as always, secretly holding hands under the table, Mary pretended not to see it as Dean still hasn't told her that he was dating Cas, where as sam and I had been caught by her making out several times now, katch was not really giving a shit when Jack walked in, holding the hand of a boy with asian Features, pale skin, black hair and brown eyes, he was wearing winged eyeliner and all black clothes "Uhm do you mind if my boyfriend joines us for dinner- Ezekiel, meet my family" the boy smirked shyly. Sam and I grinned as we already knew Ezekiel, Cas looked happy, Marry and ketch looked like they couldn't be bothered and Dean looked like he was about to die...

I was so incredibly ecxited and looking forward to see his reaction when he would find out that Ezekiel was a deamon...


End file.
